Hammi4Real's avatar

Hammi4Real

The only real Hammi there is
23 Watchers84 Deviations
23.9K
Pageviews

I give up

1 min read
Yes you heard me. Im giving up.

I surrender.

Im leaving. I cant take it anymore. Ive had enough. Ive failed in pretty much every way. I was too weak. I have lost.

Im unplugging myself out of DA, SA... yes, even NG. Ive become an egocentric attention whore. I am ashamed of myself. Im such a loser. I have no longer place in the artistic world. One less pain in the back to have around.

Now im leaving. This is for the best of you and art. Consider me dead.

And these were my last words.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Ok so

6 min read
ive been in an asshole mode for some days now. No it aint over yet. TOO BAD FOR YOU.

Anyways, im clearly fuckin bitter. Well, ive been pretty much bitter before but ever since i made that renashit drawing... it just fuckin broke me. The remaining rest of self dignity i had left, just gone with the wind. Yes. I snapped, ive lost it. And im still a loose cannon. Anyway, ive been in such a heavy consideration if i should remove and empty my gallery for all the bunch of crap ive done. KINDA DRAMATIC HUH. But then while i was refreshing my page, :iconfatchaos: had posted artwork on NG and sent me a note here as well. Obviously its a dedication to me fatchaos.deviantart.com/art/Co… <3 I wouldve never thought anyone on the art forum would do this for me. I mean i dont give a flying shit about silly forum games like "i drew you hammie hahaha *piece of ham*", because they mean nothing to me. USELESS. I rather eat cow shit and defecate all over a 10 year old fffffffffff

After seeing his dedication, i was touched. I mean WHAT. WHY. What have i done to deserve such a fine piece? But i still continue to be bitter. How the fuck can i even repay when im unable to pull off anything similar like that. Simple, because i suck. Im fucking 21 years old, ive spent 3 of my fucking years on a forum that has continuously depressed me to this day and im still shit. I once used to be known as the mr nice guy of the art forum. Well now you can forget all about it. Hammi is officially dead on the inside. My attitude has permanently changed, no one can ever repair me now. F

Oh yeah, the art forum. I originally stopped posting there, i would only come back when the big art projects were on. But then, out of the blue (i think), :iconscorpianx0: entered my realm. He had me coming back again because he happens to like digimon like i used to back then. Ive never seen anyone making renamon fan arts that much and excessive like he does. So, things started gettin interesting. Btw i think i scared him away with my dickish behavior. Ok. That was that. I spill my feelings out all over the place and people ignore and run off because they dont know what to say or do, or they feel offended and they walk off. I thought friends would stick around right? RIGHT? f

You see, im like a ghost in the art forum now. No one notice me anymore, well no wonder because my art is shit and because "its just hammi, old news". I mean, I HAD TO FUCKIN POST IN EVERY THREAD THERE NOW RECENTLY, JUST TO GET ATTENTION FROM SOME FEW USERS THERE. I had to spam to grab their attention. When the hell did i had to beg for attentio... oh wait, its self explanatory. Hell, why dont they just give me a juicy ban because i dont care anymore. BAN MY ASS DIPSHITS MAKE MY DAY.

No one has ever cared anyway, except for my small range of friends. Fuck the stalkers, they just want to suck your dick until they find someone else who is a bigger teaser. So yeah those of you who watches me but still never gave a shit only that im from NG, DE-WATCH ME YOU FAGGOTS. Suck my paki dick and truck on.

Ok so, short after i exploded, people have been bugging me because of their curiosity. Theyre like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" "YOU ENDED YOUR POSTS WITH F. WHY? D:" "WHATS WITH THE F?" "WHAT IS WRONG HAMMI?" WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT. Also :iconscorpianx0: offered me the other day to have a talk about it but ive just been straight ffffffffff. Ok. You want to know? FINE.

My life has gotten complicated, again. I only got myself to blame.

- im fuckin lazy and i cant follow up things i shouldve been whipped
- i live with 5 others im about to go crazy
- i always have house duties to do
- im unemployed
- i live off my familiys pay
- i idle a lot on the net
- i spend more time at completely irrelevant things than doing what i should be doing
- i spend a lot of my time with my laptop
- im continuously fucking up my eye sight
- i have fucked up sleeping routines
- i sleep almost all day every day
- im doing the same fucking things each and every day because i got nothing better to do
- i dont even have drivers license and im too sloppy with the progress
- im clueless about my future
- all of these above are the reasons why im good for nothing both in life and art

All this shit has affected me in so many ways and frankly i cant cope with it all at the same time. And now im an emotional wreck. All i know is that i gotta work hard to reach my goals. This is also why im strict with the art thing. Its my fault that im not gettin anywhere. Its my fault that i suck. Whenever i want to do art, i expect it (or i used to expect) to be thoroughly complete. So that i know that i havent wasted my time, that ive finally learned my skills well. Otherwise i just wanna scrap it all and be mad at myself because i continue to disappoint myself. I believe ive even grown a some sort of an ego over time, that i wanna do better to impress people and just knock everybody off the picture. GAY. f

And once again another shoutout to my closest friend :iconkarlos-elite:. Because hes so fuckin loyal, it almost brings a tear in my eye. The thing is, ive stopped trusting people. I trust no one now, i only got myself and my few friends. Fuck the rest. I dont need anymore of their gay shit. Faggots. f

Now, to end this journal with a signature that is very relevant

F

Oh yeh, if you happened to stop reading this journal at this point, then take a hike. shoo
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

ASDKJHAFJK

1 min read
aslksLKØSAFØLØJSAKØJsaølkhas

asfajkbhkjbna-,lmjølkjalsfsva

dffffffffffffffffffffffffff
as
asfsfff
a

asfsfasabxvcbvc

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

vooovovovovovoovovs'dlødsv

....................

.....................
..........


.................

i feel miserable if you couldnt tell and i want you to do something for a faggot like me, which is:

grab a glock and pop me
dont you stoppin
tear all my limbs apart
cause im a dick tart
hell unleashed im finally thwarted
nobody heart me
send me to hell my heart is hardened
and asfdffffffffffffffff

ok end of gay journal move on nothing to see here
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
No offense, but ... People are getting too fake on me . They only want posts, comments, or to see how many friends they can get. So let's see who will actually repost this. This is a test to see who's paying attention. This is a test to see how many people in my friends list actually pay attention to me. Copy and repost in your own bulletin. Lets see who the true friends are and I think I know who you are... Repost this if you are a friend...Don't reply... just copy and paste this in a new bulletin as "Fake Friends'

^

and this was a news bulletin brought to you by :iconscorpianx0:, started by :iconladyrenatear: Actually this copy & paste message isnt such a bad idea. Real friends are hard to get. Thats why you see me lurking around with a bitter attitude when i roam places because i have no confidence in anyone anymore cause they all nag and act like dumb bitches where ever i go. Im a man and no one humps me. My friends on the other hand, lots of respect goes to them. Even those who faithfully post their artwork without being noticed or commented at. Thats where im guilty cause im so fuckin lazy nowadays and when i see deviations flowing in, there have been many times where i go mehhhhhh because im a lazy fuck. So i forget to think twice about what kind of situation i help placing my peeps at. And im doing the mistake of not uncovering the artistic wrapped nuggets that come in on my message screen. For that, i apologize. Times have changed, and so have i. But im still the same humble Hammi you all know.

I might as well just take a moment to send out love to friends who helped making a difference in my dark path.

One big shoutout goes to my boiiiiiii :iconkarlos-elite:, whose support and long friendship has meant a lot to me. PS: i thought id make this journal as a reply to your journal where you gave out shoutouts. Thanks for the shoutout bro ;D

Another shoutout goes to :iconweer4e: previously an old art forum reg. Hes been a loyal friend despite a lot of inactivity from my side. I will make sure to comment on every each of your recent submissions. :)

And a shoutout to :iconfrozen89: because we shared the same interest in the start which was Digimon, and we supported each others on arguments and opinions. Not to mention we took the piss out of Melvin (prev Renamon.nl boss) after he closed down the site because he was dumb. I still owe you a request which i havent done yet lmfao. Now that im sort of active again, ill see what i can do now.

Sending this one out to :iconhavayosunu:, one of my old buddies from the art forum which is still over runned by little faggots. I believe the time when the art collab era started blowing was a lot worse than now, really. I remember when EVERYBODY humped and bumped on each others to get a piece of the collabs, while nagging PLZ MAEK ME CO-AUTHOR and continuously submitting toilet waste of shitty ms paint drawings. Even though Havay is practically dead inactive here on DA, we still keep in touch so its all cool.

Another one going to :iconprincefleaswallow: because hes starting to think that ive forgotten him which is a case that is non-existent in my system. A long time NGer and a faithful art forum poster. In my case, i couldnt take the faggotry over a long time like princeflea is still doing. In fact i fled from the art forum, but question still remains: how can princeflea still put up with that place WAAAAAAAT. For that, you always got my respect no matter what, and never think that ive forgotten you. You silly.

Shoutout to :iconfugseeshittyman: because he was one of my first peeps who actually liked my Renamon works and hes still around. AAIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Heres one to :iconlordtalpadevil666: because you came out of the blue to watch my work at the beginning, and that had me surprised. I hope youre doing a lot better now, and never give up on your desires :)

And a shoutout already given to :iconscorpianx0: because hes very sympathetic and hes not really kiddin when he tells us that hes gonna do something. An art forum rookie, but also a hardcore Renamon fan, possibly been for years. Amazing. This guy actually revived my past passion for Renamon, which i had buried for the time being to spread my artistic roots into other things. He caught my attention with his skills and concepts, so yeah hes something you should really go and see. Hes a dependable good friend.

And uh, i will make a new journal again some time because i got news which is still untold. One for instance is that i went to London nearly a month ago to meet up with Luis & everybody from the NG gang. Another one is about some couple of big art projects. Untold stuffs. As soon as i got it all written down, ill put da shit up right away. Sorry!

SQUADALA! IM OFF!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My friends:

:iconkarlos-elite: :iconfrozen89: :icondigital-dorkster: :iconnecktwister: :iconlordtalpadevil666: :icondakduif: :iconwolflings-78: :iconhavayosunu: :iconweer4e: :iconprincefleaswallow: :iconfugseeshittyman: :iconfrolikyn: :iconzekeyspaceylizard: :icongamers-gear: :icontheswain: :iconscorpianx0: :iconloath-some: :iconmiro-alhambra: :iconrtil: :iconanigen: :icondark-velox: :icongerkinvision:

My SheezyArt account:

---> hammi4real.sheezyart.com/ <---

ZelloMesh.com - Not Another Flash Site
Join today!
www.zellomesh.com/index.php
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
BIRFFFFFDAY.

I am 21 now. Goddamn it im gettin older and older. Last year i complained about the same thing. Oh my how time moves fast. At least im still young, and still got hair on my head. If i would go meeting some random 13 year olds right now, they would call me oldddd. Well, fuck em. Anyways im hungry, im just gonna go check now if a cake has been baked. See ya dawgs later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My friends:

:iconkarlos-elite: :iconfrozen89: :icondigital-dorkster: :iconnecktwister: :iconlordtalpadevil666: :icondakduif: :iconwolflings-78: :iconhavayosunu: :iconweer4e: :iconprincefleaswallow: :iconfugseeshittyman: :iconfrolikyn: :iconzekeyspaceylizard: :icongamers-gear: :icontheswain: :iconscorpianx0: :iconloath-some: :iconmiro-alhambra: :iconrtil: :iconanigen: :icondark-velox: :icongerkinvision:

My SheezyArt account:

---> hammi4real.sheezyart.com/ <---

ZelloMesh.com - Not Another Flash Site
Join today!
www.zellomesh.com/index.php
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Ok so by Hammi4Real, journal

ASDKJHAFJK by Hammi4Real, journal

Fake Fries... err friends by Hammi4Real, journal

MY BIRDAY 2DAYYY by Hammi4Real, journal

NG Sketchbook Tour 08 + NG London Meet Up 3 + etc by Hammi4Real, journal