ive been in an asshole mode for some days now. No it aint over yet. TOO BAD FOR YOU.
Anyways, im clearly fuckin bitter. Well, ive been pretty much bitter before but ever since i made that renashit drawing... it just fuckin broke me. The remaining rest of self dignity i had left, just gone with the wind. Yes. I snapped, ive lost it. And im still a loose cannon. Anyway, ive been in such a heavy consideration if i should remove and empty my gallery for all the bunch of crap ive done. KINDA DRAMATIC HUH. But then while i was refreshing my page,
had posted artwork on NG and sent me a note here as well. Obviously its a dedication to me fatchaos.deviantart.com/art/Co…
<3 I wouldve never thought anyone on the art forum would do this for me. I mean i dont give a flying shit about silly forum games like "i drew you hammie hahaha *piece of ham*", because they mean nothing to me. USELESS. I rather eat cow shit and defecate all over a 10 year old fffffffffff
After seeing his dedication, i was touched. I mean WHAT. WHY. What have i done to deserve such a fine piece? But i still continue to be bitter. How the fuck can i even repay when im unable to pull off anything similar like that. Simple, because i suck. Im fucking 21 years old, ive spent 3 of my fucking years on a forum that has continuously depressed me to this day and im still shit. I once used to be known as the mr nice guy of the art forum. Well now you can forget all about it. Hammi is officially dead on the inside. My attitude has permanently changed, no one can ever repair me now. F
Oh yeah, the art forum. I originally stopped posting there, i would only come back when the big art projects were on. But then, out of the blue (i think),
entered my realm. He had me coming back again because he happens to like digimon like i used to back then. Ive never seen anyone making renamon fan arts that much and excessive like he does. So, things started gettin interesting. Btw i think i scared him away with my dickish behavior. Ok. That was that. I spill my feelings out all over the place and people ignore and run off because they dont know what to say or do, or they feel offended and they walk off. I thought friends would stick around right? RIGHT? f
You see, im like a ghost in the art forum now. No one notice me anymore, well no wonder because my art is shit and because "its just hammi, old news". I mean, I HAD TO FUCKIN POST IN EVERY THREAD THERE NOW RECENTLY, JUST TO GET ATTENTION FROM SOME FEW USERS THERE. I had to spam to grab their attention. When the hell did i had to beg for attentio... oh wait, its self explanatory. Hell, why dont they just give me a juicy ban because i dont care anymore. BAN MY ASS DIPSHITS MAKE MY DAY.
No one has ever cared anyway, except for my small range of friends. Fuck the stalkers, they just want to suck your dick until they find someone else who is a bigger teaser. So yeah those of you who watches me but still never gave a shit only that im from NG, DE-WATCH ME YOU FAGGOTS. Suck my paki dick and truck on.
Ok so, short after i exploded, people have been bugging me because of their curiosity. Theyre like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" "YOU ENDED YOUR POSTS WITH F. WHY? D:" "WHATS WITH THE F?" "WHAT IS WRONG HAMMI?" WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT. Also
offered me the other day to have a talk about it but ive just been straight ffffffffff. Ok. You want to know? FINE.
My life has gotten complicated, again. I only got myself to blame.
- im fuckin lazy and i cant follow up things i shouldve been whipped
- i live with 5 others im about to go crazy
- i always have house duties to do
- im unemployed
- i live off my familiys pay
- i idle a lot on the net
- i spend more time at completely irrelevant things than doing what i should be doing
- i spend a lot of my time with my laptop
- im continuously fucking up my eye sight
- i have fucked up sleeping routines
- i sleep almost all day every day
- im doing the same fucking things each and every day because i got nothing better to do
- i dont even have drivers license and im too sloppy with the progress
- im clueless about my future
- all of these above are the reasons why im good for nothing both in life and art
All this shit has affected me in so many ways and frankly i cant cope with it all at the same time. And now im an emotional wreck. All i know is that i gotta work hard to reach my goals. This is also why im strict with the art thing. Its my fault that im not gettin anywhere. Its my fault that i suck. Whenever i want to do art, i expect it (or i used to expect) to be thoroughly complete. So that i know that i havent wasted my time, that ive finally learned my skills well. Otherwise i just wanna scrap it all and be mad at myself because i continue to disappoint myself. I believe ive even grown a some sort of an ego over time, that i wanna do better to impress people and just knock everybody off the picture. GAY. f
And once again another shoutout to my closest friend
. Because hes so fuckin loyal, it almost brings a tear in my eye. The thing is, ive stopped trusting people. I trust no one now, i only got myself and my few friends. Fuck the rest. I dont need anymore of their gay shit. Faggots. f
Now, to end this journal with a signature that is very relevant
Oh yeh, if you happened to stop reading this journal at this point, then take a hike. shoo